“Online dating doesn’t suck, too many people suck at online dating!”
― Kevin Darné, Online Dating Avoid The Catfish!
I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a little while now, and then earlier in this week, my blogging friend Jim made a post about online dating. This post got my gears going again on the subject and he encouraged me to finish writing this post – so here we are.
I discovered online dating about 3 years ago, and I’ve since used dating apps such as Tinder, PlentyofFish and Badoo to name a few. Each of these apps have produced mixed results for me and I have both good and bad stories as a result. Yet, mostly good, I would say.
Finding a new boyfriend or girlfriend now days can be as easy as ordering a pizza to your doorstep, so what is the good, the bad and the ugly of modern online dating? Let’s talk about it.
Believe it or not, there’s actually a slew of perks to dating online, as long as you’re smart enough to be able to filter out the types of people who might waste your time or take advantage of you. The better you are at filtering out the ones that you don’t want in your life, the easier it will be for you to find those successful dates.
These dating apps are especially handy for people out there, like me, who are pretty cool on the inside but can become awkward expressing interest in person.
I’m actually kind of shy? I just try to pretend like I’m not when I meet people. I’ll do my damnedest to fool you and show you how confident I am, but inside I’m all nerves. I don’t think I’ve ever once picked up a girl in a bar who I hadn’t already known from somewhere else outside that bar. I’m good at building rapport with others but it usually takes a little time and conversation. Dancing is also my Achilles heel.
Chatting with someone online, and learning about who they are before you even meet up for your date can make the entire experience much less intimidating. You also get a wide variety of people to choose from to be your next potential match.
You’ll almost always find the:
- A-Type Personalities
- Instagram Models
- Comic Book Geeks
- Cat Fanatics
- Practically-A-Stripper Girls
- Little Angels
- The Obviously Crazies
- Sporty Girls
As for the guys on there – I don’t really have a clue, but from what I’ve gathered in conversation, if you have a fetish for unsolicited dick pics, you’re in luck. The point is that you have the ability to mingle with all kinds of people, to really find which type meshes best with you, and it’s simple to do.
A wide geographic scope with those apps also helps you to find others who you might not normally come in to contact with otherwise. If you prefer blind dates over dating apps, then I’d just like say, “Why?????”.
I’ve made a few friends through these apps who I still speak with on and off, even today.
Okay, so this is probably the section that you’re all dying for. You don’t want to hear the good stuff about dating apps, unless you’ve never used one before and in that case, you’re trying to live vicariously through me right now, but sorry, my shoes aren’t big enough for the two of us. I have huge feet.
As I was saying earlier, I’ve met a few women, especially in the beginning who were way less than ideal matches for me. However, I think that came down to a matter of desperation and self-esteem right after my tragic separation with a terrible human being. (Not my baby mama, the one before)
One of the worst dates that I had ever been on involved a woman who I met for a few drinks at a restaurant. She was using older photos on her profile, which a lot of people seem to do, but she didn’t look too different for the worse and still pretty. I was half-confident, and I was keeping up the conversation alright, but there were always these awkward pauses where she would just smile at me and say nothing. It felt like I was bombing this date and I had absolutely no idea why. I started to spiral a little bit inside my mind, and I still managed to snake a kiss at the end.
Anyways, I ended up seeing her a second time at her house and we swam in a pool that she owned. We chatted, cooked over the BBQ and flirted a little. Within the first hour or two I saw my first red flag, she told me straight to my face that she had been intentionally making the first date awkward just to see how I would react to it. She was “testing” me.
It’s about to get explicit in here, but she also hinted that she wanted me to punch her in the face during sex because I “seemed like the type of guy who wouldn’t want to do it”. She was kind of an entitled girl, and I’ll be honest, there ended up not being a lot of attraction from me towards her, because I just can’t get down with the dominant types. It messes me up.
That was only the beginning, I saw her twice more before she made me miss a flight but that’s a long anti-climatic story which I’m not going to get into. Yeah, she wasn’t my best date, but I also allowed her to screw with my head for longer than I should have. This was not the fault of the dating app.
Okay, okay people… So, I didn’t create this section to slam the ugly people that I’ve met in the dating apps. I’m just not that type of guy. Even the less symmetrical need some love and affection, and not everything is about looks, right?
Maybe, I’ve been watching too many Westerns lately, but I’m going to pretend that “The Ugly” represents the dark side of the online dating world in general, and not just the girls you might encounter online. Catfish do exist on these dating apps! I’ve never really been cat-fished because I’m too skeptical to allow a catfish to fool me for long, but I have seen someone on Badoo using my picture before to pick up women. The person in question lived in Brazil, and I still have no idea where they stole my photo from. It was lucky for me that the dating app allowed you to search for “Look-a-likes”, and one woman I ended up seeing brought his existence to my attention.
The online dating world can also be a breeding ground for predators, fakes, prostitutes, cam girls and other assorted fun types, but these are fewer than you might imagine. Most people whom I’ve actually met have ended up being at the very least, half-way decent people. Just most haven’t ended up being my type. I’ve made some friends and I’ve had some fun times. I just know when to stay and when to split!
If I had to leave anyone new to the online dating world with just one piece of advice, it would be this; Take your time! Don’t rush into your dates. Wait until you feel confident about the person you’re speaking with before you rush out to meet them. If they don’t respect your comfort levels, then they’re not going to end up being a good match for you anyways. So listen to your own body, mind, nerves and needs. Do what feels best for you, as often as you need to. It should all be a fun and pleasant experience.