Online Dating – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Blog Posts 5 Minutes

“Online dating doesn’t suck, too many people suck at online dating!”
― Kevin Darné, Online Dating Avoid The Catfish!

Online Dating

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a little while now, and then earlier in this week, my blogging friend Jim made a post about online dating. This post got my gears going again on the subject and he encouraged me to finish writing this post – so here we are.

I discovered online dating about 3 years ago, and I’ve since used dating apps such as Tinder, PlentyofFish and Badoo to name a few. Each of these apps have produced mixed results for me and I have both good and bad stories as a result. Yet, mostly good, I would say.

Finding a new boyfriend or girlfriend now days can be as easy as ordering a pizza to your doorstep, so what is the good, the bad and the ugly of modern online dating? Let’s talk about it.

The Good

Angel

Believe it or not, there’s actually a slew of perks to dating online, as long as you’re smart enough to be able to filter out the types of people who might waste your time or take advantage of you. The better you are at filtering out the ones that you don’t want in your life, the easier it will be for you to find those successful dates.

These dating apps are especially handy for people out there, like me, who are pretty cool on the inside but can become awkward expressing interest in person.

I’m actually kind of shy? I just try to pretend like I’m not when I meet people. I’ll do my damnedest to fool you and show you how confident I am, but inside I’m all nerves. I don’t think I’ve ever once picked up a girl in a bar who I hadn’t already known from somewhere else outside that bar. I’m good at building rapport with others but it usually takes a little time and conversation. Dancing is also my Achilles heel.

Chatting with someone online, and learning about who they are before you even meet up for your date can make the entire experience much less intimidating. You also get a wide variety of people to choose from to be your next potential match.

You’ll almost always find the:

  • A-Type Personalities
  • Instagram Models
  • Comic Book Geeks
  • Cat Fanatics
  • Practically-A-Stripper Girls
  • Little Angels
  • The Obviously Crazies
  • Sporty Girls

As for the guys on there – I don’t really have a clue, but from what I’ve gathered in conversation, if you have a fetish for unsolicited dick pics, you’re in luck. The point is that you have the ability to mingle with all kinds of people, to really find which type meshes best with you, and it’s simple to do.

A wide geographic scope with those apps also helps you to find others who you might not normally come in to contact with otherwise. If you prefer blind dates over dating apps, then I’d just like say, “Why?????”.

I’ve made a few friends through these apps who I still speak with on and off, even today.

The Bad

Demon

Okay, so this is probably the section that you’re all dying for. You don’t want to hear the good stuff about dating apps, unless you’ve never used one before and in that case, you’re trying to live vicariously through me right now, but sorry, my shoes aren’t big enough for the two of us. I have huge feet.

As I was saying earlier, I’ve met a few women, especially in the beginning who were way less than ideal matches for me. However, I think that came down to a matter of desperation and self-esteem right after my tragic separation with a terrible human being. (Not my baby mama, the one before)

One of the worst dates that I had ever been on involved a woman who I met for a few drinks at a restaurant. She was using older photos on her profile, which a lot of people seem to do, but she didn’t look too different for the worse and still pretty. I was half-confident, and I was keeping up the conversation alright, but there were always these awkward pauses where she would just smile at me and say nothing. It felt like I was bombing this date and I had absolutely no idea why. I started to spiral a little bit inside my mind, and I still managed to snake a kiss at the end.

Anyways, I ended up seeing her a second time at her house and we swam in a pool that she owned. We chatted, cooked over the BBQ and flirted a little. Within the first hour or two I saw my first red flag, she told me straight to my face that she had been intentionally making the first date awkward just to see how I would react to it. She was “testing” me.

It’s about to get explicit in here, but she also hinted that she wanted me to punch her in the face during sex because I “seemed like the type of guy who wouldn’t want to do it”. She was kind of an entitled girl, and I’ll be honest, there ended up not being a lot of attraction from me towards her, because I just can’t get down with the dominant types. It messes me up.

That was only the beginning, I saw her twice more before she made me miss a flight but that’s a long anti-climatic story which I’m not going to get into. Yeah, she wasn’t my best date, but I also allowed her to screw with my head for longer than I should have. This was not the fault of the dating app.

The Ugly

Catfish

Okay, okay people… So, I didn’t create this section to slam the ugly people that I’ve met in the dating apps. I’m just not that type of guy. Even the less symmetrical need some love and affection, and not everything is about looks, right?

Maybe, I’ve been watching too many Westerns lately, but I’m going to pretend that “The Ugly” represents the dark side of the online dating world in general, and not just the girls you might encounter online. Catfish do exist on these dating apps! I’ve never really been cat-fished because I’m too skeptical to allow a catfish to fool me for long, but I have seen someone on Badoo using my picture before to pick up women. The person in question lived in Brazil, and I still have no idea where they stole my photo from. It was lucky for me that the dating app allowed you to search for “Look-a-likes”, and one woman I ended up seeing brought his existence to my attention.

The online dating world can also be a breeding ground for predators, fakes, prostitutes, cam girls and other assorted fun types, but these are fewer than you might imagine. Most people whom I’ve actually met have ended up being at the very least, half-way decent people. Just most haven’t ended up being my type. I’ve made some friends and I’ve had some fun times. I just know when to stay and when to split!

In Conclusion

If I had to leave anyone new to the online dating world with just one piece of advice, it would be this; Take your time! Don’t rush into your dates. Wait until you feel confident about the person you’re speaking with before you rush out to meet them. If they don’t respect your comfort levels, then they’re not going to end up being a good match for you anyways. So listen to your own body, mind, nerves and needs. Do what feels best for you, as often as you need to. It should all be a fun and pleasant experience.

Have you ever used online dating? Tell us a story!

Thoughts? Opinions? Let them down below!

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Published by The Wolf Boy

Philosophy and English Student. Crypto Enthusiast. Philosopher. Writer. Father. Rebel. Stoic.

Published

91 thoughts on “Online Dating – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”

  1. From the limited amount of time I’ve spent on dating sites, it seems kind of like thrift store shopping – you’ve got to fish through a whole lot of crap to find the hidden gems. That being said, my brother met his wife on Eharmony.

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  3. I used dating sites/apps a lot from 2011 until 2016, and all my experiences were mediocre to terrible. I think this is because I’m older and good men have mostly left the pool by now. The few that may be left are way too hard to find within the giant mass of liars, con men, marrieds, creeps, stalkers, psychos, etc. I’ve heard several horror stories worse than mine from other women, though some younger women (40s and below) have occasionally had a success. Now, I’m willing to accept that the problem could be me ~ after all, I didn’t have good relationships before either! But whatever the case, I haven’t dated in 3 years and am much happier.

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    1. Do whatever’s best for you. I’ve not really been having success, nothing long term. Maybe I’m the problem too. Who knows. I’m not very committed at the moment, so I’m just enjoying the single life as well.

      I’d spent too much time being a serial monogamist and it’s brought me nothing good.

      Here’s to wishing you happiness!

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  4. 🤔 Hmm. What happened to dating the old-fashioned way?

    I am sure that you can make eye-contact with any supermodel that you walk up to.

    I have never used an online dating app in my life (And, I do not think that I ever will).

    However, if those online dating apps are working out well for you, my friend, you might as well continue to use them.

    As a precautionary measure, I strongly advise that you read the “Terms of Service” of those online dating apps.

    The last thing that you need is for your data to be sold to a third-party data-broker.

    Great topic by the way!

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    1. I’m sure my data is already out there because of Facebook, Instagram and Google. I don’t trust any tech company now days, and dating apps havent really been working for me for anything more than part time lovers, but it scratches that itch for now I guess. 😝

      Thanks for your comment Renard. Take care my friend

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  6. By far the weirdest message I ever received on my online dating profile (aside from the mentioned unsolicited dick picks) was a dude that wrote an entire story of “our life together” that included a first date, several more dates, hook ups, marriage, kids, apparently I cheat on him, separation, divorce and moving on. I mean it was…creative 🥴? But creepy and super depressing. He did not get a reply. 😂

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  7. I signed up once and then closed the account the same day without ever communicating with anyone. I just didnt feel right. It was more just see how it worked and to get an idea the types that used it. Besides I have someone very dear to me already and wouldnt jepordise that for anything!

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      2. Nah, it’s not grimey. Some people are grimey on there and some are very respectable. It just takes some patience and filtering to get through. It’s hit or miss sometimes, I find it disheartening when taken too seriously, but if just fiddled with for fun here and there, it can be a good way to meet new people. Just quite intimidating at first!

        Like

  8. WOW! I’m sorry you were somebody’s psychological experiment, even if only for a few dates. I went on a Tinder date with a mathematics major, and at the end of the date he told me that he just went on the date “to see if [he] could hold a conversation with somebody from a non-mathematics background.” And then told me that he didn’t think he could. Strangest date ever.

    That being said, I know people who have made genuinely awesome connections on Tinder or Bumble or the like.

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  9. I found that dating apps were a great deal of work to inevitably not find someone with which to have a substantial relationship. Great for hook ups, if you are just scratching an itch. But finding someone with whom you can share the depth of a real relationship, just never happened for me. Eventually I gave up on the apps, finding that, in the real world scenarios, I could work a lot less hard and be just as unsuccessful. Call me lazy!

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    1. 🤣 You’re a real comedian Brad 😝 There’s a learning curve to them for sure. Some months I can find myself a few dates on there, but some months I just find no one that interests me. The luck of the draw I guess. I’ll probably have a better chance with other students. 😋

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  10. Intentionally making the first date awkward..big yikes 🙄 I’ve been on two Tinder dates. One was the “ugly/awkward”, where he tried to convert me to Christianity on the first (and last) date. The other was actually decent, we went on about 7 dates. But, I saw that he was liking other girls pics and messaging them. It’s not like we were dating or serious, but just don’t do that while I’m literally right next to you. I kept getting annoyed, but overall, wasn’t too bad. It is fun meeting different people, and at least you have some “fun” stories 😅

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    1. Yeah I understand that feeling of wanting to be the only one in their sights or atleast their main focus. I’d once been on a date with a mom who was really cute and pretty fun, but we never made it past date 3 because she wanted to keep seeing other guys and even went as far as showing me her impressive list of men she’s had to block. I think some people just like to have your attention, but everyone elses at the same time 😛
      Which isn’t fun if you’re looking for something more serious.

      So did you go back to dating the old fashioned way?

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      1. I go through phases of online and trying it the traditional way. Majority of the time, I just delete the apps if I can’t find anyone I want to meet. If someone approaches me or I like them, I’ll give it a shot. Most times it’s exhausting, so I’ll forget about it for a couple months, and the cycle continues. Life’s fun that way 😂

        Liked by 2 people

  11. What about guys in my position. I’m in a Nursing Home, & it don’t like I’ll will be leaving any time soon. My wife died a year ago in August. After a year I miss the touch of a women, having some one to talk to. the nursing home don’t give a lot of options & the site I got tangled with was one of those “one night stand nights” All cam girls, Hookers, and few who wanted to hook up and duck behind somebodies hedges & get dogged (bending over or doggy style) Public sex is not my thing. So That’s was my experience with Dating websites I went to senior site and the fee was 7 is out of my budget at the moment. & 99% of the sites say free aint free so I gave up. This my experence with Internet Romance. w

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    1. I think they’re great as long as you don’t go into them with high expectations, I would suggest turning off notifications so you’re not constantly thinking about it too… That’s always helped me… Sometimes I would feel anxious wondering why I wasn’t getting any matches or what not.. It can work though, I’ve met some good people. Good luck on your search for that hunk of burning man love 😉

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      1. Oh, my notifications are off.
        As selfish as this sounds, I don’t like being interrupted while reading and writing. LOL!
        I doubt highly I’m going to meet a “hunk of burning man love” Not when I’m my age. 🤣
        I’d be trhilled if I met someone that would understand that my mental health issues don’t define who I am. Someone who is down to earth and make each other laugh. I don’t think I’m asking for much. 💕

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      2. We all need to be a little selfish sometimes. I feel the same way actually. I never even have my phone ringer on unless I’m expecting an important call.

        And you never know what kind of man might show up on your doorstep aged like fine wine with a crown of silver 😉😉

        I think we each have someone out there for us! 🤞

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    1. Just be really picky about who you meet, because I mean, you could meet a serial killer in the real world too. So, might as well put yourself out there a little bit.

      There will be a lot of losers on there who might turn you off but there are also some good ones if you’re patient 😛 😉

      Where are you from, if you don’t mind me asking.

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  16. Life’s too short to waste time on the internet to find out what someone is like. There is no better way to get the measure of someone than meeting face to face… And to be honest I would rather spend my time chatting to someone over a drink or a meal than sitting at home… Life is an adventure, meeting new people is part of it, even the ones you meet on Tinder etc… Just meet in a safe place and take the usual precautions.

    Lieve

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      1. Yes, I suppose the cost is one thing to consider… Maybe you catch more fish than I do!!!! Tinder has been successful, but it depends upon what you are looking for… And I certainly do not meet up with everyone I talk to on Tinder; but it normally doesn’t take much more than a few exchanges to see if it is worth having that lunch or a drink. Much more sociable and at least it get me out of the house and meeting real people. However did people manage before social media…??? Hmmmm…I believe it worked rather well for centuries….

        Lieve

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  17. I’ve been on and off dating sites for the past 20 years, have met lots of nice men, some of whom are still friends, but nothing serious. One learns, as you have, to be picky, hoarding your time and energy, saving it for the most likely matches. I’ve mostly given up, an ATV- and hunting-loathing liberal living in a very red state (Idaho) that considers those things “sport.” Your piece had me reflecting, though, that my two “successes” were actually before online dating, back in the 1980s in the world of personals ads in an “alternative” newspaper in Seattle. One was a five-year relationship, the other twelve. Those personals ads required written responses – actual letters! – and I’ve always felt I learned more from those long, handwritten missives (with maybe an enclosed photo or two) than I ever did from online profiles. Oh, and then there was the fad of speed dating. Gawd. At least one learns how to make five minutes of small talk with just about anyone, no matter how awkward. Here’s what I think would be fabulous: meetups with fellow bloggers. Too bad we’re all spread out across the planet.

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    1. Thanks for the interesting and detailed response! Wow. It’s hard to believe online dating has been around for so long. I deff agree about feeling them out.

      Maybe you could fall in love with another blogger one day. Who knows. That’d be a hell of a relationship story.

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  18. I don’t usually say anything because I’m the extremely shy types, but I’m making an exception here because I really enjoyed reading your post. Trust me, it was a great distraction from my monotonous medical books so Thank You.
    I have dabbled with Tinder once before and ended up deleting my profile the very next day because it just wasn’t for me. But surprisingly I ended up staying friends with this one guy out of mutual interest for anime so I guess online dating wasn’t so bad for me? I’m not sure how to call it….. 😅😅

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    1. Hahah, well I’m glad you took a break and decided to share your thoughts. I appreciate it. 😀

      I personally, don’t like Tinder that much. I’m also pretty damn shy so I like it best when I can “research” my target. (Sounds so stalkerish, right?) I just mean, I like to be able to read about someone. It’s awkward just going in cold turkey. I have no idea where to steer the conversation. I’m also pretty damn shy in the real world.

      Found much luck in love outside of the apps?

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  20. I have tried dating apps and have failed at them every time. I can’t quite get past how they make me feel as if I’m in a store, trying on a potential husband out for size. Mostly, we all judge them based on their looks right? And then of course you read their bio to see if you want to invest any further. It’s so unnatural to me—I am probably just an old fashioned romantic. Where I can look up and our eyes meet in real life and the sparks go from there.

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  21. Hi Mathew, feeling great to connect with you after a long time 🙂
    I did try online dating apps and have my own stories to unfold. I did meet some interesting women there and had some fun and pleasure time as well 😉

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  23. I’m new to blogging and I definitely toyed with the idea of writing my experience about online dating since my last long term relationship and current relationship came from online dating. What I’ve really noticed is how there is still stigma to online dating? (Though it’s less than years ago) A lot of people I know still give me the line “I rather meet someone in person so I know they are real” whenever I tell them how I met someone online. Ah but the person you meet at the bar can still lie to you like online? Lol. I do think it is the new modern world of dating and people should become more aware of the pros and cons. This definitely was a good read. Thanks for the post.

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  24. I really like this article! It’s nice seeing online dating from a guy’s perspective. I always thought the guys on these apps are crazy. But, it sounds like the girls can be even crazier LOL.

    I have a question. Do you think online dating is making guys less inclined to approach girls in public now? Since it’s easier to just slide in to girl’s DMs instead of approaching her in public and face being turned down.

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    1. Hahah. Crazy people are everywhere and on both sides of the gender role. Hell, maybe you and I might seem crazy to some people 😂🤷‍♂️

      I’ve always been kind of shy about approaching girls in public, but it doesn’t make me less inclined to do so because of the apps. If anything I think it boosts my confidence a little bit. Crawling into a girls DMs is definitely less intimidating though!

      Do you not get approached in public?

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      1. lol true we’re all crazy to certain people!
        —
        I mostly get approached at bars and stuff when I’m drinking/having fun with friends! These are usually guys that just wanna sleep with me lmao. However, if I’m by myself in public, I don’t get approached too much. If I do it’s usually by creepy older guys. (I’m in college) Mind you, that I am also really shy and close myself off when I’m alone in public

        I actually met this dude at a train station one time because we were both lost and couldn’t figure out which train to get on hahaha. When we finally found our train we sat down together and started talking. He was telling me about how he was coming back from NYC after he got stood-up by a tinder date. We then started talking about dating and had a whole convo about how guys don’t approach girls in public anymore/ ask for their numbers. His reasoning was that it’s because of the whole #metoo movement, fear of rejection, he doesn’t wanna look like a creep, etc.

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      2. Oh yeah… The me too movement which means if you kiss a girl without asking permission first some will say you’ve assaulted them. Yeah man! Dating is tense now days haha.

        Luckily I’m getting better at filtering out crazy. I hope you are too!

        How old are you? I’m 31 back in University

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      3. Yeah exactly! It’s tough out there in the dating world. When I was a kid, I expected it to be so much easier to find a person. I actually thought I was going to be sitting in a coffee shop and a guy was gonna spontaneously approach me and then I would be married by like 23 LOL! But yeah I think I’m getting a little better at filtering out the crazy. I’m learning as I go lol practice makes perfect. I learn something new about myself/ what I want in a partner every date I go on.

        Also, I am 22 (apparently guys don’t mature until 25?) idk how true that is

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  25. I’m from NJ suburbs, just outside of NYC!

    Marriage does seem kinda boring and a lot of work lol. However, I do want to find someone to grow with one day and break the cycle of 2-month-long toxic “relationships”. But, I’d rather be single than be with someone that’s not good for me.

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    1. Ah so we are not so far apart then! Yeah, just have fun and play around until you find a really awesome dude then you do you 😉

      Relationships are complicated. I used to be a serial monogamist until a few years ago and now I am resistant to even wanting a relationship. I hope you find something great one day. 🙂

      Sounds like you have a healthy perspective.

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  27. It’s interesting for me to read this from a guy’s perspective. I’ve only ever known it from the female perspective, as I’m obviously not a dude. I guess I kind of just assumed the guys were the crazy ones on there and the women were sane, but from the sounds of it the women can be nuts too!

    Online dating is… whew… there’s a lot to unpack there haha. I loved this post.

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      1. No Sir. I don’t think I’d ever do that again. I mean, I’ll never say never, but for now, my eyes just can’t take any more unsolicited dick pics.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I bet if you spent all day looking at unsolicited nude pics from women online, by the time you actually found someone you wanted to hook up with, you’d probably be a little jaded because of the overhwlemingly thirsty women throwing their nakedness at you online. lol

        Like

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