The End of Reading Week, Becoming Healthier And Job Hunting

It’s been some time since I’ve given an update about what’s been going on with me. Well, to be fair, there’s quite a lot going on with me. I’ve mentioned in the past that I’ve struggled with social anxieties, self-doubt, generalized anxieties and depression, etc. These things may partially fuel my drive for following politics and encouraging my interest in activism. I think too much about the future and the possibilities of everything, to the point that sometimes I lose my present.


This habit began to reach a critical point for me a few weeks back when I took my blogging break because I was beginning to doubt my ability to provide for myself the future that I wanted. My negative thinking was taking over my life and I felt like I was spiraling some days. I’ve never experienced too many panic attacks in the past, but they were starting to happen to me more frequently. It’s very disturbing to feel out of control of your life, and just thinking about that panicky feeling now kind of gives me anxiety.

I’ve been kind of an anxious person for the majority of my life, but when I was younger I used to find security in the belief that I would outgrow it at some point and just become some super-confident dude all of a sudden. Maybe I will become that one day, who knows, but that day hadn’t arrived just yet. I could put on a good show on my challenging days, but there’s still a part of me that likes to wear down my confidence.

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve started taking some SSRI’s for the first time in my life after finally overcoming the stigma against them. They’ve noticeably improved my life in a few weeks. My reactions to normal stressors have become more mild now compared to sometimes over-the-top reactions of the past. My social anxiety is much less and I’m not afraid to speak with people at random while I’m out and about if I feel like it. I can also smile a little easier. Anyways, I guess I just wanted to say that taking something which helps your moods while you work on better thought processes is a smart thing to do. It’s not something anyone should feel afraid of or ashamed about, it’s safe and it can help. I wish I’d tried it years ago, because it gives you the power of reasonable thought back to work on fixing your broken thought patterns for the future when you do decide to try living again without them.


This last week off of school has also helped me to start looking for a job around town, and I’ve even picked up a little bit of temporary work which helps to fill my unemployment gap. I’m way ahead on my school assignments and prepping for mid-terms next week. Life is pretty good anyways, so I can’t complain, and best of all, I’ve been spending lots of time with my little girl which has been truly awesome! 😀

It’s been a ruff week!

Besides all of that, as you know, I’ve suddenly returned to blogging after feeling like I was missing out on something that I enjoy after just being away for one week. Blogging’s a great place to vent and even heal in many ways, there’s also so many great people here. Poetry is also good for me, I think because it’s like breaking off a little piece of yourself and sharing it with the world. So is all writing in some ways, but I feel poetry shares something about another persons soul. I suppose I don’t become emotionally vulnerable with others in the real world too often because it’s difficult for me to do that. I’ve some stubborn defenses on me. Yet, I don’t have these issues blogging as much.

Anyways, I hope everybody’s been doing well.
Thanks for sticking by me while I go through some adjustments!


I appreciate you!

On a side note; I’ll be opening up my blog to poetry guest posts very soon. I already have a few in store from some of my favorite bloggers. So, if you’d be interested in submitting a poem for my “Wild Poetry” guest poetry series, send me an email at with your poem. Preference will be given to poems nature related, freedom inspired or having to do with the human spirit.

34 thoughts on “The End of Reading Week, Becoming Healthier And Job Hunting

  1. It is a shame that there is any stigma to someone getting the help they need. And we all need help at some point. I think I wrestled some PTSD when I first got out of the Marines, but with some therapy I was able to put everything in the correct perspective. I do, however, remember being embarrassed to admit I needed help. I am glad you have found your path and strength to a happier and better life!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Brad, I had no idea that you were part of the Marines at one point. That’s really interesting. Are the Marines part of the Navy? I’m a little bit ignorant. I was thinking of joining the reserves for part-time work while I’m in school.


  2. She is sooo cute ❤
    Glad that you found a way to cope with your anxieties. But you know it is all about controlling thoughts. Meditation and yoga can help a lot. Love your courage to talk about your struggles ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Your daughter is so adorable ❤

    It’s sucks when you feel that life is out of your control, this happens to me a lot and mainly at school where there can be so many miscommunications. Anxiety as a whole is something that I’ve been trying to work against, so negative thinking is definite no no 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Soul Brotha, you are one brave soul …. and I love how you stay courageously authentic to share your journey as it helps us all in our journey too ….. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww you’re totally inspirational Mat! ❤️ True strength shines when we are weakest …. we take it one step at a time ….. you’re rock solid AWESOME even if there may be days you don’t “feel” like it ….. feelings are just that … they don’t determine who we are …. heck, we’re entitled to a plethora of feelings haha … we’re amazingly HUMAN! ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  5. i’m really glad to hear that things are going better now that you’re taking some SSRIs. Honestly, if medication can help you feel better, help you get through the day, make you more productive, make you happier about life, then it’s worth it to you, right? I just want you to be able to be the best you so I am happy to hear they’re working!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Vee. Sometimes when we are in difficult situations it makes thinking reasonably more difficult to do while already burdened with depressive thoughts, so it certainly helps to be proactive with making positive changes in life.
      I appreciate your concern and support!!!


  6. What aren’t super-confident dude already? 😲
    Joke. Smile. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better Mathew.
    I myself tend to push myself down and drag it to the point of depression. Self-doubts is something everyone has ( I believe) especially those with tough childhoods.
    Yes, I too have less defense when I’m blogging, but hey, I guess it’s natural to be more free behind the screen. 😂
    Nova is a charmer! 🥰 Before you know it boys will be competing to win your favor haha 😀


    1. Or they will be avoiding me, big time. 😛
      Let’s hope that day is still far in the distant future. I don’t want to think about that now lol.

      Sometimes the best people have the most self-doubt. ❤ Yes, especially those with tough childhoods.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s